We interrupt our quest for geeky romance to bring you the latest development in degenerate gambling technology: the Super Bowl Props Extravaganza game!
Have you been invited to a Super Bowl party but can’t tell a football from a handegg?
Do you have friends coming over and want to make sure the game is exciting and unforgettable regardless of what happens on the field?
Do you have a serious gambling problem?
The props extravaganza is for you!
Prop bets are gambles on various ancillary events that may or may not be related to the outcome of the game itself, from the length of the national anthem singing to the last player to throw an interception. To save my readers the headache of tracking dozens of bets I have compiled the best ones from the various Las Vegas casinos into an easy game: each players marks one of the options for each proposition below in the rightmost column, if that proposition comes through that player gets the number of points listed in the second column. If gambling is legal in your jurisdiction, the player(s) with the most points win some money!
What makes this a super fun addition to any Super Bowl viewing party?
1. The main benefit is that it makes the Super Bowl 10x more exciting to watch whether you’re a die-hard fan or just there for the commercials. Even if the game itself is a blowout (or you don’t care about it), the selection of props is designed to keep the competition exciting from the coin toss to the MVP award after the game with props that can be decided at any moment along the way. Almost each play will affect at least one of your props.
2. Don’t know anything about football? Not a problem! All the points are calibrated based on the latest lines in Las Vegas, so even experts can’t expect to do better than people picking blindly. For example, Vegas expects a 40% probability of a lead change in the second half, so I set the points for the prop at 3 points for “Yes, will be a lead change” and 2 points for “No”. Since 40%*3 = 60%*2, you can expect to do equally well no matter which option you pick.
3. Each guest can print their own sheet, or you can compile everyone’s picks into an Excel file will multiple columns and easily see who’s ahead.
4. Super Bowl boxes are so dumb I’m not even going to link if you don’t know what it is.
| Prop / options | Points for correct pick | Pick (mark with an X) |
| What will be the outcome of the coin toss? (Yes, we’re THAT degenerate) | ||
| Heads + Panthers correct | 3 | |
| Tails + Panthers correct | 3 | |
| Heads + Broncos correct | 3 | |
| Tails + Broncos correct | 3 | |
| How long will it take Lady Gaga to sing the national anthem? | ||
| Over 2:07 | 2 | |
| Under 2:07 | 2 | |
| What will be the first score of the game? | ||
| Touchdown | 2 | |
| Field Goal | 4 | |
| Safety | 10 | |
| Will any team score in the first 6:30 of the game? | ||
| Yes | 2 | |
| No | 2 | |
| Who will commit the first turnover of the game? | ||
| A Panther | 2 | |
| Peyton | 3 | |
| Another Bronco | 5 | |
| Which team will score first and last? | ||
| Panthers first, Panthers last | 3 | |
| Panthers first, Broncos last | 4 | |
| Broncos first, Panthers last | 4 | |
| Broncos first, Broncos last | 5 | |
| Will there be a special teams/defensive TD? | ||
| Yes | 3 | |
| No | 2 | |
| Will any team miss a PAT? | ||
| Yes | 8 | |
| No | 2 | |
| Will any team attempt/make a 2 pt. conversion? | ||
| No attempts | 2 | |
| Attempts, no make | 6 | |
| Made 2 pt. conversion | 4 | |
| Will any team score three times in a row? | ||
| Yes | 4 | |
| No | 2 | |
| Will there be a scoreless quarter? | ||
| Yes | 5 | |
| No | 2 | |
| Will more than 2 players attempt a pass? | ||
| Yes | 4 | |
| No | 2 | |
| What (predominant) color will Beyonce’s footwear be when she comes on stage? | ||
| Black | 2 | |
| Other | 3 | |
| White | 4 | |
| Silver/Gray | 6 | |
| Will Mike Carey be wrong about a challenge outcome? | ||
| Yes | 3 | |
| No | 2 | |
| Will Ted Ginn Jr. drop a pass? | ||
| Yes | 2 | |
| No | 2 | |
| How many yards will Peyton Manning rush for? | ||
| Over 0.5 | 2 | |
| Under 0.5 | 2 | |
| Will there be a lead change in the second half? | ||
| Yes | 3 | |
| No | 2 | |
| Who will throw the last interception of the game? | ||
| Peyton | 2 | |
| Cam | 3 | |
| No one will throw an interception | 6 | |
| Someone else | 12 | |
| Which one player will have the most rushing yards? | ||
| Jonathan Stewart | 2 | |
| CJ Anderson | 2 | |
| Someone else | 5 | |
| Which one player will have the most receiving yards? | ||
| Demaryius Thomas or Owen Daniels (Den) | 4 | |
| Greg Olsen or Devin Funchess (Car) | 4 | |
| Emmanuel Sanders or some else on Denver | 4 | |
| Someone else on Carolina | 4 | |
| Which one player will have the most passing yards? | ||
| Peyton | 2 | |
| Cam | 2 | |
| What will be the actual outcome of the game? (no one really cares) | ||
| Denver wins by 9 or more | 4 | |
| Denver wins by 8 or less | 3 | |
| Carolina wins by 5 or less | 3 | |
| Carolina wins by 6-11 | 3 | |
| Carolina wins by 12-20 | 3 | |
| Carolina wins by 21 or more | 4 | |
| What color will the liquid be that is poured on the winning coach? | ||
| Orange | 3 | |
| Blue/Green/Purple | 3 | |
| Clear/Yellow/Red | 3 | |
| Who will win the MVP? | ||
| Cam | 2 | |
| Peyton | 4 | |
| Luke Kuechly or Von Miller | 6 | |
| Someone Else | 4 | |
Happy gambling!
PUTANUMONIT 
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